Am I a failure?
I am not looking for something that feels safe and comfortable right now, I am looking for something that feels scary, feels uncomfortable and out of place, and even alien to me. Because these choices expand me, my future and the possibilities to come.
Saying that. Let me tell you how my brain sees things, not so positively to say the least. I take on a new challenging opportunity, a terrifying one, something that requires me to step it up big time. As soon as that happens, my brain quickly reaches a conclusion that: you have failed, you don’t have the necessary skills and capabilities, how did you think you will manage this? What did you think was gonna happen? How did they even hire you? Was this a mistake? Thanks a lot Rachel, thanks a lot!
Well, Rachel. Let me tell you this. You love the world FAILURE. But I don’t. I don’t think failure exists. If things don’t go according to what I have assumed in my head, then I know it is not the end of the day, and it is just one stop point in the journey. At the same time, Rachel keeps reminding me that I failed, therefore I should not be doing anything but hiding in my house. Rachel, I hear you, but I don’t listen to you, cause you are full of BS. I choose to carry on and continue to explore opportunities and take on new challenges, because one day I will find what I am looking for. I don’t know when exactly, but that doesnt matter, it matters that I keep venturing and keep on finding my purpose, my mission in this world. I don’t think I have found it yet. Also, it is probably something that is not achievable, or is it? I cannot say, because I don’t know.
Although my brain loves the word failure, I have to keep reminding it all the time (too often) that failure doesn’t exist. Only giving up exists, until I keep going there will be new opportunities, new journeys, until my journey my purpose comes along. There is no end point after which everything will be all beautiful, just some opportunities will be better than others, some that are more meant for me, others less for me.